The main thing is the smell.
- I don't want to smell like food.
- I don't want to smell like a delicate flower.
- I don't want to smell like a hospital.
And there's surprisingly little left over when you eliminate all of that.
But today I conjured up some vague recollection of a friend of a friend making their own lotions. Maybe I can do that! Maybe I could launch a whole line of Face Punch Lotions and name them things like Roundhouse Kick and Legendary Warrior. I bet I could sell like two jars.
But most importantly, I could have hand lotion that smells however I want! What does Roundhouse Kick lotion smell like? What does Legendary Warrior lotion smell like? Actually most martial arts things just smell like sweat, but I don't need any help smelling like that. And I do need hand lotion.
So, then, with my perfect lotions, I don't have to smell like a food, a flower or a hospital. But what DO I want to smell like?
- I want to smell like a mighty death punch walking the earth in human form, confidently striding amongst mere mortals.
- I want to smell like ten thousand cuts of a samurai sword.
- I want to smell like the goddess Athena, so clearly in a mood after being momentarily inconvenienced by destroying an opposing army, that it only takes a sidelong glance to silence the next mortal who tries to explain warfare to her.
- I want to smell like a flying side kick so powerful and precise that it can rend an entire forest into perfectly cut makiwara materials in a single blow.
Yes! I will finally have hand lotion that I love!
I tracked down directions for how to make hand lotion, and scoured the internet for ingredients. And that is when reality came crushing down on me.
It turns out, making lotion is hard and expensive. It would cost me hundreds of dollars to even give it a try. Well. I can repurpose that old bottle of body cream under the sink for free.
I know you're crushed, but Face Punch Lotions was just not meant to be.